"i like hairs on boys" and other marriage non-negotiables.

It’s important to me that I make the most out of every single lesson I teach with my students here. I prepare as thoroughly as I can, and I spend a few minutes before each lesson lifting my students and my classroom before the King. I start many of my classes with crazy tongue twisters and camp songs and nonsense and laughing, and I maintain a high energy level throughout the lesson.

I want to teach WELL. I want to make a difference. I want to love and give and serve and laugh and encourage and be empty at the end of each lesson.

I often try to bring issues of morality before my students, because their lives are important to me, and I want them to live well and make good decisions. In my last class yesterday, we talked about marriage.

Why is this important?

It’s estimated that 90-95% of husbands are abusive here, either physically or verbally.

Many marriages are arranged, especially in the more rural village, and some girls marry as early as 13 or 14.

Many of my students don’t have involved fathers. Some do not know their fathers.

The man who lives above me beats his wife every night, and I can hear her cries.

I've seen women struck by their husbands on the street.

And unfortunately, none of this is unusual.

Obviously, the students in this class—all university-aged girls—want to marry in the next few years. I love them deeply, and do not do not do not want to see them end up in an abusive relationship. I asked them to flip over the page on their desk, and on the back, to write “HUSBAND” across the top. Next, I had them draw a line down the middle, and on the top of one side, write “non-negotiable” and on the other, “negotiable”.

Then I gave them 10 minutes and had them make lists of the things they would require of the man they would marry--non-negotiable--and the things they would like in that man, but are negotiable. I gave them no ideas and didn’t allow them to share ideas because I was curious about what they would come up with on their own.

I LOVED THEIR FINAL LISTS!

Some of their answers speak of the desires of their hearts, some of them speak to this culture, and some of them are just really, really funny. Naturally, I wrote many down in their exact words, to preserve their linguistic humor, with the intent of sharing them with all of you. Here’s the collective list:

NON-NEGOTIABLE:

has to respect me

has humor of sense

makes decisions in different conditions

responsible

attentional because girls need attention

relational

educated

isn’t annoy me

can’t complain of backache, headache, just be’s a man

is my nationality

shares interests

is not my cousin

wants to live in a different home from his parents

no drink

will allow for me to work

will not ask me to cover my head

romantical

NEGOTIABLE:

sport body

handsome very very

wearing tasty style (trying to get at tasteful?)

taller than me

“I like hairs on boys” (trying to get at not bald?)

love adrenaline

cool guy

serious personality

active dynamite (not sure what she’s trying to get at with this…?)

fair skins

We talked about the importance of a man who met their non-negotiable criteria. They PROMISED me that they would not settle for less, and that is my sincere pryr for these sweet girls.